The Merry Wives of Windsor

1Sir Hugh, persuade me not; I will make a Star-

2chamber matter of it: if he were twenty Sir John

3Falstaffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow, esquire.

4In the county of Gloucester, justice of peace and

5'Coram.'

6Ay, cousin Slender, and 'Custalourum.

7Ay, and 'Rato-lorum' too; and a gentleman born,

8master parson; who writes himself 'Armigero,' in any

9bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation, 'Armigero.'

10Ay, that I do; and have done any time these three

11hundred years.

12All his successors gone before him hath done't; and

13all his ancestors that come after him may: they may

14give the dozen white luces in their coat.

15It is an old coat.

16The dozen white louses do become an old coat well;

17it agrees well, passant; it is a familiar beast to

18man, and signifies love.

19The luce is the fresh fish; the salt fish is an old coat.

20I may quarter, coz.

21You may, by marrying.

22It is marring indeed, if he quarter it.

23Not a whit.

24Yes, py'r lady; if he has a quarter of your coat,

25there is but three skirts for yourself, in my

26simple conjectures: but that is all one. If Sir

27John Falstaff have committed disparagements unto

28you, I am of the church, and will be glad to do my

29benevolence to make atonements and compremises

30between you.

31The council shall bear it; it is a riot.

32It is not meet the council hear a riot; there is no

33fear of Got in a riot: the council, look you, shall

34desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a

35riot; take your vizaments in that.

36Ha! o' my life, if I were young again, the sword

37should end it.

38It is petter that friends is the sword, and end it:

39and there is also another device in my prain, which

40peradventure prings goot discretions with it: there

41is Anne Page, which is daughter to Master Thomas

42Page, which is pretty virginity.

43Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair, and speaks

44small like a woman.

45It is that fery person for all the orld, as just as

46you will desire; and seven hundred pounds of moneys,

47and gold and silver, is her grandsire upon his

48death's-bed--Got deliver to a joyful resurrections!

49--give, when she is able to overtake seventeen years

50old: it were a goot motion if we leave our pribbles

51and prabbles, and desire a marriage between Master

52Abraham and Mistress Anne Page.

53Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred pound?

54Ay, and her father is make her a petter penny.

55I know the young gentlewoman; she has good gifts.

56Seven hundred pounds and possibilities is goot gifts.

57Well, let us see honest Master Page. Is Falstaff there?

58Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar as I do

59despise one that is false, or as I despise one that

60is not true. The knight, Sir John, is there; and, I

61beseech you, be ruled by your well-willers. I will

62peat the door for Master Page.

63What, hoa! Got pless your house here!

64[Within] Who's there?

65Here is Got's plessing, and your friend, and Justice

66Shallow; and here young Master Slender, that

67peradventures shall tell you another tale, if

68matters grow to your likings.

69I am glad to see your worships well.

70I thank you for my venison, Master Shallow.

71Master Page, I am glad to see you: much good do it

72your good heart! I wished your venison better; it

73was ill killed. How doth good Mistress Page?--and I

74thank you always with my heart, la! with my heart.

75Sir, I thank you.

76Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do.

77I am glad to see you, good Master Slender.

78How does your fallow greyhound, sir? I heard say he

79was outrun on Cotsall.

80It could not be judged, sir.

81You'll not confess, you'll not confess.

82That he will not. 'Tis your fault, 'tis your fault;

83'tis a good dog.

84A cur, sir.

85Sir, he's a good dog, and a fair dog: can there be

86more said? he is good and fair. Is Sir John

87Falstaff here?

88Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good

89office between you.

90It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak.

91He hath wronged me, Master Page.

92Sir, he doth in some sort confess it.

93If it be confessed, it is not redress'd: is not that

94so, Master Page? He hath wronged me; indeed he

95hath, at a word, he hath, believe me: Robert

96Shallow, esquire, saith, he is wronged.

97Here comes Sir John.

98Now, Master Shallow, you'll complain of me to the king?

99Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my deer, and

100broke open my lodge.

101But not kissed your keeper's daughter?

102Tut, a pin! this shall be answered.

103I will answer it straight; I have done all this.

104That is now answered.

105The council shall know this.

106'Twere better for you if it were known in counsel:

107you'll be laughed at.

108Pauca verba, Sir John; goot worts.

109Good worts! good cabbage. Slender, I broke your

110head: what matter have you against me?

111Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against you;

112and against your cony-catching rascals, Bardolph,

113Nym, and Pistol.

114You Banbury cheese!

115Ay, it is no matter.

116How now, Mephostophilus!

117Ay, it is no matter.

118Slice, I say! pauca, pauca: slice! that's my humour.

119Where's Simple, my man? Can you tell, cousin?

120Peace, I pray you. Now let us understand. There is

121three umpires in this matter, as I understand; that

122is, Master Page, fidelicet Master Page; and there is

123myself, fidelicet myself; and the three party is,

124lastly and finally, mine host of the Garter.

125We three, to hear it and end it between them.

126Fery goot: I will make a prief of it in my note-

127book; and we will afterwards ork upon the cause with

128as great discreetly as we can.

129Pistol!

130He hears with ears.

131The tevil and his tam! what phrase is this, 'He

132hears with ear'? why, it is affectations.

133Pistol, did you pick Master Slender's purse?

134Ay, by these gloves, did he, or I would I might

135never come in mine own great chamber again else, of

136seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward

137shovel-boards, that cost me two shilling and two

138pence apiece of Yead Miller, by these gloves.

139Is this true, Pistol?

140No; it is false, if it is a pick-purse.

141Ha, thou mountain-foreigner! Sir John and Master mine,

142I combat challenge of this latten bilbo.

143Word of denial in thy labras here!

144Word of denial: froth and scum, thou liest!

145By these gloves, then, 'twas he.

146Be avised, sir, and pass good humours: I will say

147'marry trap' with you, if you run the nuthook's

148humour on me; that is the very note of it.

149By this hat, then, he in the red face had it; for

150though I cannot remember what I did when you made me

151drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass.

152What say you, Scarlet and John?

153Why, sir, for my part I say the gentleman had drunk

154himself out of his five sentences.

155It is his five senses: fie, what the ignorance is!

156And being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashiered; and

157so conclusions passed the careires.

158Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but 'tis no

159matter: I'll ne'er be drunk whilst I live again,

160but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick:

161if I be drunk, I'll be drunk with those that have

162the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves.

163So Got udge me, that is a virtuous mind.

164You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen; you hear it.

165Nay, daughter, carry the wine in; we'll drink within.

166O heaven! this is Mistress Anne Page.

167How now, Mistress Ford!

168Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well met:

169by your leave, good mistress.

170Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome. Come, we have a

171hot venison pasty to dinner: come, gentlemen, I hope

172we shall drink down all unkindness.

173I had rather than forty shillings I had my Book of

174Songs and Sonnets here.

175How now, Simple! where have you been? I must wait

176on myself, must I? You have not the Book of Riddles

177about you, have you?

178Book of Riddles! why, did you not lend it to Alice

179Shortcake upon All-hallowmas last, a fortnight

180afore Michaelmas?

181Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. A word with

182you, coz; marry, this, coz: there is, as 'twere, a

183tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by Sir Hugh

184here. Do you understand me?

185Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable; if it be so,

186I shall do that that is reason.

187Nay, but understand me.

188So I do, sir.

189Give ear to his motions, Master Slender: I will

190description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it.

191Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says: I pray

192you, pardon me; he's a justice of peace in his

193country, simple though I stand here.

194But that is not the question: the question is

195concerning your marriage.

196Ay, there's the point, sir.

197Marry, is it; the very point of it; to Mistress Anne Page.

198Why, if it be so, I will marry her upon any

199reasonable demands.

200But can you affection the 'oman? Let us command to

201know that of your mouth or of your lips; for divers

202philosophers hold that the lips is parcel of the

203mouth. Therefore, precisely, can you carry your

204good will to the maid?

205Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?

206I hope, sir, I will do as it shall become one that

207would do reason.

208Nay, Got's lords and his ladies! you must speak

209possitable, if you can carry her your desires

210towards her.

211That you must. Will you, upon good dowry, marry her?

212I will do a greater thing than that, upon your

213request, cousin, in any reason.

214Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz: what I do

215is to pleasure you, coz. Can you love the maid?

216I will marry her, sir, at your request: but if there

217be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may

218decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are

219married and have more occasion to know one another;

220I hope, upon familiarity will grow more contempt:

221but if you say, 'Marry her,' I will marry her; that

222I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely.

223It is a fery discretion answer; save the fall is in

224the ort 'dissolutely:' the ort is, according to our

225meaning, 'resolutely:' his meaning is good.

226Ay, I think my cousin meant well.

227Ay, or else I would I might be hanged, la!

228Here comes fair Mistress Anne.

229Would I were young for your sake, Mistress Anne!

230The dinner is on the table; my father desires your

231worships' company.

232I will wait on him, fair Mistress Anne.

233Od's plessed will! I will not be absence at the grace.

234Will't please your worship to come in, sir?

235No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily; I am very well.

236The dinner attends you, sir.

237I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth. Go,

238sirrah, for all you are my man, go wait upon my

239cousin Shallow.

240A justice of peace sometimes may be beholding to his

241friend for a man. I keep but three men and a boy

242yet, till my mother be dead: but what though? Yet I

243live like a poor gentleman born.

244I may not go in without your worship: they will not

245sit till you come.

246I' faith, I'll eat nothing; I thank you as much as

247though I did.

248I pray you, sir, walk in.

249I had rather walk here, I thank you. I bruised

250my shin th' other day with playing at sword and

251dagger with a master of fence; three veneys for a

252dish of stewed prunes; and, by my troth, I cannot

253abide the smell of hot meat since. Why do your

254dogs bark so? be there bears i' the town?

255I think there are, sir; I heard them talked of.

256I love the sport well but I shall as soon quarrel at

257it as any man in England. You are afraid, if you see

258the bear loose, are you not?

259Ay, indeed, sir.

260That's meat and drink to me, now. I have seen

261Sackerson loose twenty times, and have taken him by

262the chain; but, I warrant you, the women have so

263cried and shrieked at it, that it passed: but women,

264indeed, cannot abide 'em; they are very ill-favored

265rough things.

266Come, gentle Master Slender, come; we stay for you.

267I'll eat nothing, I thank you, sir.

268By cock and pie, you shall not choose, sir! come, come.

269Nay, pray you, lead the way.

270Come on, sir.

271Mistress Anne, yourself shall go first.

272Not I, sir; pray you, keep on.

273I'll rather be unmannerly than troublesome.

274You do yourself wrong, indeed, la!

1Go your ways, and ask of Doctor Caius' house which

2is the way: and there dwells one Mistress Quickly,

3which is in the manner of his nurse, or his dry

4nurse, or his cook, or his laundry, his washer, and

5his wringer.

6Well, sir.

7Nay, it is petter yet. Give her this letter; for it

8is a 'oman that altogether's acquaintance with

9Mistress Anne Page: and the letter is, to desire

10and require her to solicit your master's desires to

11Mistress Anne Page. I pray you, be gone: I will

12make an end of my dinner; there's pippins and cheese to come.

1Mine host of the Garter!

2What says my bully-rook? speak scholarly and wisely.

3Truly, mine host, I must turn away some of my

4followers.

5Discard, bully Hercules; cashier: let them wag; trot, trot.

6I sit at ten pounds a week.

7Thou'rt an emperor, Caesar, Keisar, and Pheezar. I

8will entertain Bardolph; he shall draw, he shall

9tap: said I well, bully Hector?

10Do so, good mine host.

11I have spoke; let him follow.

12Let me see thee froth and lime: I am at a word; follow.

13Bardolph, follow him. A tapster is a good trade:

14an old cloak makes a new jerkin; a withered

15serving-man a fresh tapster. Go; adieu.

16It is a life that I have desired: I will thrive.

17O base Hungarian wight! wilt thou the spigot wield?

18He was gotten in drink: is not the humour conceited?

19I am glad I am so acquit of this tinderbox: his

20thefts were too open; his filching was like an

21unskilful singer; he kept not time.

22The good humour is to steal at a minute's rest.

23'Convey,' the wise it call. 'Steal!' foh! a fico

24for the phrase!

25Well, sirs, I am almost out at heels.

26Why, then, let kibes ensue.

27There is no remedy; I must cony-catch; I must shift.

28Young ravens must have food.

29Which of you know Ford of this town?

30I ken the wight: he is of substance good.

31My honest lads, I will tell you what I am about.

32Two yards, and more.

33No quips now, Pistol! Indeed, I am in the waist two

34yards about; but I am now about no waste; I am about

35thrift. Briefly, I do mean to make love to Ford's

36wife: I spy entertainment in her; she discourses,

37she carves, she gives the leer of invitation: I

38can construe the action of her familiar style; and

39the hardest voice of her behavior, to be Englished

40rightly, is, 'I am Sir John Falstaff's.'

41He hath studied her will, and translated her will,

42out of honesty into English.

43The anchor is deep: will that humour pass?

44Now, the report goes she has all the rule of her

45husband's purse: he hath a legion of angels.

46As many devils entertain; and 'To her, boy,' say I.

47The humour rises; it is good: humour me the angels.

48I have writ me here a letter to her: and here

49another to Page's wife, who even now gave me good

50eyes too, examined my parts with most judicious

51oeillades; sometimes the beam of her view gilded my

52foot, sometimes my portly belly.

53Then did the sun on dunghill shine.

54I thank thee for that humour.

55O, she did so course o'er my exteriors with such a

56greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye did

57seem to scorch me up like a burning-glass! Here's

58another letter to her: she bears the purse too; she

59is a region in Guiana, all gold and bounty. I will

60be cheater to them both, and they shall be

61exchequers to me; they shall be my East and West

62Indies, and I will trade to them both. Go bear thou

63this letter to Mistress Page; and thou this to

64Mistress Ford: we will thrive, lads, we will thrive.

65Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become,

66And by my side wear steel? then, Lucifer take all!

67I will run no base humour: here, take the

68humour-letter: I will keep the havior of reputation.

69[To ROBIN] Hold, sirrah, bear you these letters tightly;

70Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores.

71Rogues, hence, avaunt! vanish like hailstones, go;

72Trudge, plod away o' the hoof; seek shelter, pack!

73Falstaff will learn the humour of the age,

74French thrift, you rogues; myself and skirted page.

75Let vultures gripe thy guts! for gourd and fullam holds,

76And high and low beguiles the rich and poor:

77Tester I'll have in pouch when thou shalt lack,

78Base Phrygian Turk!

79I have operations which be humours of revenge.

80Wilt thou revenge?

81By welkin and her star!

82With wit or steel?

83With both the humours, I:

84I will discuss the humour of this love to Page.

85And I to Ford shall eke unfold

86How Falstaff, varlet vile,

87His dove will prove, his gold will hold,

88And his soft couch defile.

89My humour shall not cool: I will incense Page to

90deal with poison; I will possess him with

91yellowness, for the revolt of mine is dangerous:

92that is my true humour.

93Thou art the Mars of malecontents: I second thee; troop on.

1What, John Rugby! I pray thee, go to the casement,

2and see if you can see my master, Master Doctor

3Caius, coming. If he do, i' faith, and find any

4body in the house, here will be an old abusing of

5God's patience and the king's English.

6I'll go watch.

7Go; and we'll have a posset for't soon at night, in

8faith, at the latter end of a sea-coal fire.

9An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant

10shall come in house withal, and, I warrant you, no

11tell-tale nor no breed-bate: his worst fault is,

12that he is given to prayer; he is something peevish

13that way: but nobody but has his fault; but let

14that pass. Peter Simple, you say your name is?

15Ay, for fault of a better.

16And Master Slender's your master?

17Ay, forsooth.

18Does he not wear a great round beard, like a

19glover's paring-knife?

20No, forsooth: he hath but a little wee face, with a

21little yellow beard, a Cain-coloured beard.

22A softly-sprighted man, is he not?

23Ay, forsooth: but he is as tall a man of his hands

24as any is between this and his head; he hath fought

25with a warrener.

26How say you? O, I should remember him: does he not

27hold up his head, as it were, and strut in his gait?

28Yes, indeed, does he.

29Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune! Tell

30Master Parson Evans I will do what I can for your

31master: Anne is a good girl, and I wish--

32Out, alas! here comes my master.

33We shall all be shent. Run in here, good young man;

34go into this closet: he will not stay long.

35What, John Rugby! John! what, John, I say!

36Go, John, go inquire for my master; I doubt

37he be not well, that he comes not home.

38And down, down, adown-a, & c.

39Vat is you sing? I do not like des toys. Pray you,

40go and vetch me in my closet un boitier vert, a box,

41a green-a box: do intend vat I speak? a green-a box.

42Ay, forsooth; I'll fetch it you.

43I am glad he went not in himself: if he had found

44the young man, he would have been horn-mad.

45Fe, fe, fe, fe! ma foi, il fait fort chaud. Je

46m'en vais a la cour--la grande affaire.

47Is it this, sir?

48Oui; mette le au mon pocket: depeche, quickly. Vere

49is dat knave Rugby?

50What, John Rugby! John!

51Here, sir!

52You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby. Come,

53take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to the court.

54'Tis ready, sir, here in the porch.

55By my trot, I tarry too long. Od's me!

56Qu'ai-j'oublie! dere is some simples in my closet,

57dat I vill not for the varld I shall leave behind.

58Ay me, he'll find the young man here, and be mad!

59O diable, diable! vat is in my closet? Villain! larron!

60Rugby, my rapier!

61Good master, be content.

62Wherefore shall I be content-a?

63The young man is an honest man.

64What shall de honest man do in my closet? dere is

65no honest man dat shall come in my closet.

66I beseech you, be not so phlegmatic. Hear the truth

67of it: he came of an errand to me from Parson Hugh.

68Vell.

69Ay, forsooth; to desire her to--

70Peace, I pray you.

71Peace-a your tongue. Speak-a your tale.

72To desire this honest gentlewoman, your maid, to

73speak a good word to Mistress Anne Page for my

74master in the way of marriage.

75This is all, indeed, la! but I'll ne'er put my

76finger in the fire, and need not.

77Sir Hugh send-a you? Rugby, baille me some paper.

78Tarry you a little-a while.

79[Aside to SIMPLE] I am glad he is so quiet: if he

80had been thoroughly moved, you should have heard him

81so loud and so melancholy. But notwithstanding,

82man, I'll do you your master what good I can: and

83the very yea and the no is, the French doctor, my

84master,--I may call him my master, look you, for I

85keep his house; and I wash, wring, brew, bake,

86scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds and do

87all myself,--

88[Aside to MISTRESS QUICKLY] 'Tis a great charge to

89come under one body's hand.

90[Aside to SIMPLE] Are you avised o' that? you

91shall find it a great charge: and to be up early

92and down late; but notwithstanding,--to tell you in

93your ear; I would have no words of it,--my master

94himself is in love with Mistress Anne Page: but

95notwithstanding that, I know Anne's mind,--that's

96neither here nor there.

97You jack'nape, give-a this letter to Sir Hugh; by

98gar, it is a shallenge: I will cut his troat in dee

99park; and I will teach a scurvy jack-a-nape priest

100to meddle or make. You may be gone; it is not good

101you tarry here. By gar, I will cut all his two

102stones; by gar, he shall not have a stone to throw

103at his dog:

104Alas, he speaks but for his friend.

105It is no matter-a ver dat: do not you tell-a me

106dat I shall have Anne Page for myself? By gar, I

107vill kill de Jack priest; and I have appointed mine

108host of de Jarteer to measure our weapon. By gar, I

109will myself have Anne Page.

110Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well. We

111must give folks leave to prate: what, the good-jer!

112Rugby, come to the court with me. By gar, if I have

113not Anne Page, I shall turn your head out of my

114door. Follow my heels, Rugby.

115You shall have An fool's-head of your own. No, I

116know Anne's mind for that: never a woman in Windsor

117knows more of Anne's mind than I do; nor can do more

118than I do with her, I thank heaven.

119[Within] Who's within there? ho!

120Who's there, I trow! Come near the house, I pray you.

121How now, good woman? how dost thou?

122The better that it pleases your good worship to ask.

123What news? how does pretty Mistress Anne?

124In truth, sir, and she is pretty, and honest, and

125gentle; and one that is your friend, I can tell you

126that by the way; I praise heaven for it.

127Shall I do any good, thinkest thou? shall I not lose my suit?

128Troth, sir, all is in his hands above: but

129notwithstanding, Master Fenton, I'll be sworn on a

130book, she loves you. Have not your worship a wart

131above your eye?

132Yes, marry, have I; what of that?

133Well, thereby hangs a tale: good faith, it is such

134another Nan; but, I detest, an honest maid as ever

135broke bread: we had an hour's talk of that wart. I

136shall never laugh but in that maid's company! But

137indeed she is given too much to allicholy and

138musing: but for you--well, go to.

139Well, I shall see her to-day. Hold, there's money

140for thee; let me have thy voice in my behalf: if

141thou seest her before me, commend me.

142Will I? i'faith, that we will; and I will tell your

143worship more of the wart the next time we have

144confidence; and of other wooers.

145Well, farewell; I am in great haste now.

146Farewell to your worship.

147Truly, an honest gentleman: but Anne loves him not;

148for I know Anne's mind as well as another does. Out

149upon't! what have I forgot?

1What, have I scaped love-letters in the holiday-

2time of my beauty, and am I now a subject for them?

3Let me see.

4'Ask me no reason why I love you; for though

5Love use Reason for his physician, he admits him

6not for his counsellor. You are not young, no more

7am I; go to then, there's sympathy: you are merry,

8so am I; ha, ha! then there's more sympathy: you

9love sack, and so do I; would you desire better

10sympathy? Let it suffice thee, Mistress Page,--at

11the least, if the love of soldier can suffice,--

12that I love thee. I will not say, pity me; 'tis

13not a soldier-like phrase: but I say, love me. By me,

14Thine own true knight,

15By day or night,

16Or any kind of light,

17With all his might

18For thee to fight, JOHN FALSTAFF'

19What a Herod of Jewry is this! O wicked

20world! One that is well-nigh worn to pieces with

21age to show himself a young gallant! What an

22unweighed behavior hath this Flemish drunkard

23picked--with the devil's name!--out of my

24conversation, that he dares in this manner assay me?

25Why, he hath not been thrice in my company! What

26should I say to him? I was then frugal of my

27mirth: Heaven forgive me! Why, I'll exhibit a bill

28in the parliament for the putting down of men. How

29shall I be revenged on him? for revenged I will be,

30as sure as his guts are made of puddings.

31Mistress Page! trust me, I was going to your house.

32And, trust me, I was coming to you. You look very

33ill.

34Nay, I'll ne'er believe that; I have to show to the contrary.

35Faith, but you do, in my mind.

36Well, I do then; yet I say I could show you to the

37contrary. O Mistress Page, give me some counsel!

38What's the matter, woman?

39O woman, if it were not for one trifling respect, I

40could come to such honour!

41Hang the trifle, woman! take the honour. What is

42it? dispense with trifles; what is it?

43If I would but go to hell for an eternal moment or so,

44I could be knighted.

45What? thou liest! Sir Alice Ford! These knights

46will hack; and so thou shouldst not alter the

47article of thy gentry.

48We burn daylight: here, read, read; perceive how I

49might be knighted. I shall think the worse of fat

50men, as long as I have an eye to make difference of

51men's liking: and yet he would not swear; praised

52women's modesty; and gave such orderly and

53well-behaved reproof to all uncomeliness, that I

54would have sworn his disposition would have gone to

55the truth of his words; but they do no more adhere

56and keep place together than the Hundredth Psalm to

57the tune of 'Green Sleeves.' What tempest, I trow,

58threw this whale, with so many tuns of oil in his

59belly, ashore at Windsor? How shall I be revenged

60on him? I think the best way were to entertain him

61with hope, till the wicked fire of lust have melted

62him in his own grease. Did you ever hear the like?

63Letter for letter, but that the name of Page and

64Ford differs! To thy great comfort in this mystery

65of ill opinions, here's the twin-brother of thy

66letter: but let thine inherit first; for, I

67protest, mine never shall. I warrant he hath a

68thousand of these letters, writ with blank space for

69different names--sure, more,--and these are of the

70second edition: he will print them, out of doubt;

71for he cares not what he puts into the press, when

72he would put us two. I had rather be a giantess,

73and lie under Mount Pelion. Well, I will find you

74twenty lascivious turtles ere one chaste man.

75Why, this is the very same; the very hand, the very

76words. What doth he think of us?

77Nay, I know not: it makes me almost ready to

78wrangle with mine own honesty. I'll entertain

79myself like one that I am not acquainted withal;

80for, sure, unless he know some strain in me, that I

81know not myself, he would never have boarded me in this fury.

82'Boarding,' call you it? I'll be sure to keep him

83above deck.

84So will I if he come under my hatches, I'll never

85to sea again. Let's be revenged on him: let's

86appoint him a meeting; give him a show of comfort in

87his suit and lead him on with a fine-baited delay,

88till he hath pawned his horses to mine host of the Garter.

89Nay, I will consent to act any villany against him,

90that may not sully the chariness of our honesty. O,

91that my husband saw this letter! it would give

92eternal food to his jealousy.

93Why, look where he comes; and my good man too: he's

94as far from jealousy as I am from giving him cause;

95and that I hope is an unmeasurable distance.

96You are the happier woman.

97Let's consult together against this greasy knight.

98Come hither.

99Well, I hope it be not so.

100Hope is a curtal dog in some affairs:

101Sir John affects thy wife.

102Why, sir, my wife is not young.

103He wooes both high and low, both rich and poor,

104Both young and old, one with another, Ford;

105He loves the gallimaufry: Ford, perpend.

106Love my wife!

107With liver burning hot. Prevent, or go thou,

108Like Sir Actaeon he, with Ringwood at thy heels:

109O, odious is the name!

110What name, sir?

111The horn, I say. Farewell.

112Take heed, have open eye, for thieves do foot by night:

113Take heed, ere summer comes or cuckoo-birds do sing.

114Away, Sir Corporal Nym!

115Believe it, Page; he speaks sense.

116[Aside] I will be patient; I will find out this.

117[To PAGE] And this is true; I like not the humour

118of lying. He hath wronged me in some humours: I

119should have borne the humoured letter to her; but I

120have a sword and it shall bite upon my necessity.

121He loves your wife; there's the short and the long.

122My name is Corporal Nym; I speak and I avouch; 'tis

123true: my name is Nym and Falstaff loves your wife.

124Adieu. I love not the humour of bread and cheese,

125and there's the humour of it. Adieu.

126'The humour of it,' quoth a'! here's a fellow

127frights English out of his wits.

128I will seek out Falstaff.

129I never heard such a drawling, affecting rogue.

130If I do find it: well.

131I will not believe such a Cataian, though the priest

132o' the town commended him for a true man.

133'Twas a good sensible fellow: well.

134How now, Meg!

135Whither go you, George? Hark you.

136How now, sweet Frank! why art thou melancholy?

137I melancholy! I am not melancholy. Get you home, go.

138Faith, thou hast some crotchets in thy head. Now,

139will you go, Mistress Page?

140Have with you. You'll come to dinner, George.

141Look who comes yonder: she shall be our messenger

142to this paltry knight.

143[Aside to MISTRESS PAGE] Trust me, I thought on her:

144she'll fit it.

145You are come to see my daughter Anne?

146Ay, forsooth; and, I pray, how does good Mistress Anne?

147Go in with us and see: we have an hour's talk with

148you.

149How now, Master Ford!

150You heard what this knave told me, did you not?

151Yes: and you heard what the other told me?

152Do you think there is truth in them?

153Hang 'em, slaves! I do not think the knight would

154offer it: but these that accuse him in his intent

155towards our wives are a yoke of his discarded men;

156very rogues, now they be out of service.

157Were they his men?

158Marry, were they.

159I like it never the better for that. Does he lie at

160the Garter?

161Ay, marry, does he. If he should intend this voyage

162towards my wife, I would turn her loose to him; and

163what he gets more of her than sharp words, let it

164lie on my head.

165I do not misdoubt my wife; but I would be loath to

166turn them together. A man may be too confident: I

167would have nothing lie on my head: I cannot be thus satisfied.

168Look where my ranting host of the Garter comes:

169there is either liquor in his pate or money in his

170purse when he looks so merrily.

171How now, mine host!

172How now, bully-rook! thou'rt a gentleman.

173Cavaleiro-justice, I say!

174I follow, mine host, I follow. Good even and

175twenty, good Master Page! Master Page, will you go

176with us? we have sport in hand.

177Tell him, cavaleiro-justice; tell him, bully-rook.

178Sir, there is a fray to be fought between Sir Hugh

179the Welsh priest and Caius the French doctor.

180Good mine host o' the Garter, a word with you.

181What sayest thou, my bully-rook?

182[To PAGE] Will you go with us to behold it? My

183merry host hath had the measuring of their weapons;

184and, I think, hath appointed them contrary places;

185for, believe me, I hear the parson is no jester.

186Hark, I will tell you what our sport shall be.

187Hast thou no suit against my knight, my

188guest-cavaleire?

189None, I protest: but I'll give you a pottle of

190burnt sack to give me recourse to him and tell him

191my name is Brook; only for a jest.

192My hand, bully; thou shalt have egress and regress;

193--said I well?--and thy name shall be Brook. It is

194a merry knight. Will you go, An-heires?

195Have with you, mine host.

196I have heard the Frenchman hath good skill in

197his rapier.

198Tut, sir, I could have told you more. In these times

199you stand on distance, your passes, stoccadoes, and

200I know not what: 'tis the heart, Master Page; 'tis

201here, 'tis here. I have seen the time, with my long

202sword I would have made you four tall fellows skip like rats.

203Here, boys, here, here! shall we wag?

204Have with you. I would rather hear them scold than fight.

205Though Page be a secure fool, an stands so firmly

206on his wife's frailty, yet I cannot put off my

207opinion so easily: she was in his company at Page's

208house; and what they made there, I know not. Well,

209I will look further into't: and I have a disguise

210to sound Falstaff. If I find her honest, I lose not

211my labour; if she be otherwise, 'tis labour well bestowed.

1I will not lend thee a penny.

2Why, then the world's mine oyster.

3Which I with sword will open.

4Not a penny. I have been content, sir, you should

5lay my countenance to pawn; I have grated upon my

6good friends for three reprieves for you and your

7coach-fellow Nym; or else you had looked through

8the grate, like a geminy of baboons. I am damned in

9hell for swearing to gentlemen my friends, you were

10good soldiers and tall fellows; and when Mistress

11Bridget lost the handle of her fan, I took't upon

12mine honour thou hadst it not.

13Didst not thou share? hadst thou not fifteen pence?

14Reason, you rogue, reason: thinkest thou I'll

15endanger my soul gratis? At a word, hang no more

16about me, I am no gibbet for you. Go. A short knife

17and a throng! To your manor of Pickt-hatch! Go.

18You'll not bear a letter for me, you rogue! you

19stand upon your honour! Why, thou unconfinable

20baseness, it is as much as I can do to keep the

21terms of my honour precise: I, I, I myself

22sometimes, leaving the fear of God on the left hand

23and hiding mine honour in my necessity, am fain to

24shuffle, to hedge and to lurch; and yet you, rogue,

25will ensconce your rags, your cat-a-mountain

26looks, your red-lattice phrases, and your

27bold-beating oaths, under the shelter of your

28honour! You will not do it, you!

29I do relent: what would thou more of man?

30Sir, here's a woman would speak with you.

31Let her approach.

32Give your worship good morrow.

33Good morrow, good wife.

34Not so, an't please your worship.

35Good maid, then.

36I'll be sworn,

37As my mother was, the first hour I was born.

38I do believe the swearer. What with me?

39Shall I vouchsafe your worship a word or two?

40Two thousand, fair woman: and I'll vouchsafe thee

41the hearing.

42There is one Mistress Ford, sir:--I pray, come a

43little nearer this ways:--I myself dwell with master

44Doctor Caius,--

45Well, on: Mistress Ford, you say,--

46Your worship says very true: I pray your worship,

47come a little nearer this ways.

48I warrant thee, nobody hears; mine own people, mine

49own people.

50Are they so? God bless them and make them his servants!

51Well, Mistress Ford; what of her?

52Why, sir, she's a good creature. Lord Lord! your

53worship's a wanton! Well, heaven forgive you and all

54of us, I pray!

55Mistress Ford; come, Mistress Ford,--

56Marry, this is the short and the long of it; you

57have brought her into such a canaries as 'tis

58wonderful. The best courtier of them all, when the

59court lay at Windsor, could never have brought her

60to such a canary. Yet there has been knights, and

61lords, and gentlemen, with their coaches, I warrant

62you, coach after coach, letter after letter, gift

63after gift; smelling so sweetly, all musk, and so

64rushling, I warrant you, in silk and gold; and in

65such alligant terms; and in such wine and sugar of

66the best and the fairest, that would have won any

67woman's heart; and, I warrant you, they could never

68get an eye-wink of her: I had myself twenty angels

69given me this morning; but I defy all angels, in

70any such sort, as they say, but in the way of

71honesty: and, I warrant you, they could never get

72her so much as sip on a cup with the proudest of

73them all: and yet there has been earls, nay, which

74is more, pensioners; but, I warrant you, all is one with her.

75But what says she to me? be brief, my good

76she-Mercury.

77Marry, she hath received your letter, for the which

78she thanks you a thousand times; and she gives you

79to notify that her husband will be absence from his

80house between ten and eleven.

81Ten and eleven?

82Ay, forsooth; and then you may come and see the

83picture, she says, that you wot of: Master Ford,

84her husband, will be from home. Alas! the sweet

85woman leads an ill life with him: he's a very

86jealousy man: she leads a very frampold life with

87him, good heart.

88Ten and eleven. Woman, commend me to her; I will

89not fail her.

90Why, you say well. But I have another messenger to

91your worship. Mistress Page hath her hearty

92commendations to you too: and let me tell you in

93your ear, she's as fartuous a civil modest wife, and

94one, I tell you, that will not miss you morning nor

95evening prayer, as any is in Windsor, whoe'er be the

96other: and she bade me tell your worship that her

97husband is seldom from home; but she hopes there

98will come a time. I never knew a woman so dote upon

99a man: surely I think you have charms, la; yes, in truth.

100Not I, I assure thee: setting the attractions of my

101good parts aside I have no other charms.

102Blessing on your heart for't!

103But, I pray thee, tell me this: has Ford's wife and

104Page's wife acquainted each other how they love me?

105That were a jest indeed! they have not so little

106grace, I hope: that were a trick indeed! but

107Mistress Page would desire you to send her your

108little page, of all loves: her husband has a

109marvellous infection to the little page; and truly

110Master Page is an honest man. Never a wife in

111Windsor leads a better life than she does: do what

112she will, say what she will, take all, pay all, go

113to bed when she list, rise when she list, all is as

114she will: and truly she deserves it; for if there

115be a kind woman in Windsor, she is one. You must

116send her your page; no remedy.

117Why, I will.

118Nay, but do so, then: and, look you, he may come and

119go between you both; and in any case have a

120nay-word, that you may know one another's mind, and

121the boy never need to understand any thing; for

122'tis not good that children should know any

123wickedness: old folks, you know, have discretion,

124as they say, and know the world.

125Fare thee well: commend me to them both: there's

126my purse; I am yet thy debtor. Boy, go along with

127this woman.

128This news distracts me!

129This punk is one of Cupid's carriers:

130Clap on more sails; pursue; up with your fights:

131Give fire: she is my prize, or ocean whelm them all!

132Sayest thou so, old Jack? go thy ways; I'll make

133more of thy old body than I have done. Will they

134yet look after thee? Wilt thou, after the expense

135of so much money, be now a gainer? Good body, I

136thank thee. Let them say 'tis grossly done; so it be

137fairly done, no matter.

138Sir John, there's one Master Brook below would fain

139speak with you, and be acquainted with you; and hath

140sent your worship a morning's draught of sack.

141Brook is his name?

142Ay, sir.

143Call him in.

144Such Brooks are welcome to me, that o'erflow such

145liquor. Ah, ha! Mistress Ford and Mistress Page

146have I encompassed you? go to; via!

147Bless you, sir!

148And you, sir! Would you speak with me?

149I make bold to press with so little preparation upon

150you.

151You're welcome. What's your will? Give us leave, drawer.

152Sir, I am a gentleman that have spent much; my name is Brook.

153Good Master Brook, I desire more acquaintance of you.

154Good Sir John, I sue for yours: not to charge you;

155for I must let you understand I think myself in

156better plight for a lender than you are: the which

157hath something embolden'd me to this unseasoned

158intrusion; for they say, if money go before, all

159ways do lie open.

160Money is a good soldier, sir, and will on.

161Troth, and I have a bag of money here troubles me:

162if you will help to bear it, Sir John, take all, or

163half, for easing me of the carriage.

164Sir, I know not how I may deserve to be your porter.

165I will tell you, sir, if you will give me the hearing.

166Speak, good Master Brook: I shall be glad to be

167your servant.

168Sir, I hear you are a scholar,--I will be brief

169with you,--and you have been a man long known to me,

170though I had never so good means, as desire, to make

171myself acquainted with you. I shall discover a

172thing to you, wherein I must very much lay open mine

173own imperfection: but, good Sir John, as you have

174one eye upon my follies, as you hear them unfolded,

175turn another into the register of your own; that I

176may pass with a reproof the easier, sith you

177yourself know how easy it is to be such an offender.

178Very well, sir; proceed.

179There is a gentlewoman in this town; her husband's

180name is Ford.

181Well, sir.

182I have long loved her, and, I protest to you,

183bestowed much on her; followed her with a doting

184observance; engrossed opportunities to meet her;

185fee'd every slight occasion that could but niggardly

186give me sight of her; not only bought many presents

187to give her, but have given largely to many to know

188what she would have given; briefly, I have pursued

189her as love hath pursued me; which hath been on the

190wing of all occasions. But whatsoever I have

191merited, either in my mind or, in my means, meed,

192I am sure, I have received none; unless experience

193be a jewel that I have purchased at an infinite

194rate, and that hath taught me to say this:

195'Love like a shadow flies when substance love pursues;

196Pursuing that that flies, and flying what pursues.'

197Have you received no promise of satisfaction at her hands?

198Never.

199Have you importuned her to such a purpose?

200Never.

201Of what quality was your love, then?

202Like a fair house built on another man's ground; so

203that I have lost my edifice by mistaking the place

204where I erected it.

205To what purpose have you unfolded this to me?

206When I have told you that, I have told you all.

207Some say, that though she appear honest to me, yet in

208other places she enlargeth her mirth so far that

209there is shrewd construction made of her. Now, Sir

210John, here is the heart of my purpose: you are a

211gentleman of excellent breeding, admirable

212discourse, of great admittance, authentic in your

213place and person, generally allowed for your many

214war-like, court-like, and learned preparations.

215O, sir!

216Believe it, for you know it. There is money; spend

217it, spend it; spend more; spend all I have; only

218give me so much of your time in exchange of it, as

219to lay an amiable siege to the honesty of this

220Ford's wife: use your art of wooing; win her to

221consent to you: if any man may, you may as soon as

222any.

223Would it apply well to the vehemency of your

224affection, that I should win what you would enjoy?

225Methinks you prescribe to yourself very preposterously.

226O, understand my drift. She dwells so securely on

227the excellency of her honour, that the folly of my

228soul dares not present itself: she is too bright to

229be looked against. Now, could I could come to her

230with any detection in my hand, my desires had

231instance and argument to commend themselves: I

232could drive her then from the ward of her purity,

233her reputation, her marriage-vow, and a thousand

234other her defences, which now are too too strongly

235embattled against me. What say you to't, Sir John?

236Master Brook, I will first make bold with your

237money; next, give me your hand; and last, as I am a

238gentleman, you shall, if you will, enjoy Ford's wife.

239O good sir!

240I say you shall.

241Want no money, Sir John; you shall want none.

242Want no Mistress Ford, Master Brook; you shall want

243none. I shall be with her, I may tell you, by her

244own appointment; even as you came in to me, her

245assistant or go-between parted from me: I say I

246shall be with her between ten and eleven; for at

247that time the jealous rascally knave her husband

248will be forth. Come you to me at night; you shall

249know how I speed.

250I am blest in your acquaintance. Do you know Ford,

251sir?

252Hang him, poor cuckoldly knave! I know him not:

253yet I wrong him to call him poor; they say the

254jealous wittolly knave hath masses of money; for the

255which his wife seems to me well-favored. I will

256use her as the key of the cuckoldly rogue's coffer;

257and there's my harvest-home.

258I would you knew Ford, sir, that you might avoid him

259if you saw him.

260Hang him, mechanical salt-butter rogue! I will

261stare him out of his wits; I will awe him with my

262cudgel: it shall hang like a meteor o'er the

263cuckold's horns. Master Brook, thou shalt know I

264will predominate over the peasant, and thou shalt

265lie with his wife. Come to me soon at night.

266Ford's a knave, and I will aggravate his style;

267thou, Master Brook, shalt know him for knave and

268cuckold. Come to me soon at night.

269What a damned Epicurean rascal is this! My heart is

270ready to crack with impatience. Who says this is

271improvident jealousy? my wife hath sent to him; the

272hour is fixed; the match is made. Would any man

273have thought this? See the hell of having a false

274woman! My bed shall be abused, my coffers

275ransacked, my reputation gnawn at; and I shall not

276only receive this villanous wrong, but stand under

277the adoption of abominable terms, and by him that

278does me this wrong. Terms! names! Amaimon sounds

279well; Lucifer, well; Barbason, well; yet they are

280devils' additions, the names of fiends: but

281Cuckold! Wittol!--Cuckold! the devil himself hath

282not such a name. Page is an ass, a secure ass: he

283will trust his wife; he will not be jealous. I will

284rather trust a Fleming with my butter, Parson Hugh

285the Welshman with my cheese, an Irishman with my

286aqua-vitae bottle, or a thief to walk my ambling

287gelding, than my wife with herself; then she plots,

288then she ruminates, then she devises; and what they

289think in their hearts they may effect, they will

290break their hearts but they will effect. God be

291praised for my jealousy! Eleven o'clock the hour.

292I will prevent this, detect my wife, be revenged on

293Falstaff, and laugh at Page. I will about it;

294better three hours too soon than a minute too late.

295Fie, fie, fie! cuckold! cuckold! cuckold!

1Jack Rugby!

2Sir?

3Vat is de clock, Jack?

4'Tis past the hour, sir, that Sir Hugh promised to meet.

5By gar, he has save his soul, dat he is no come; he

6has pray his Pible well, dat he is no come: by gar,

7Jack Rugby, he is dead already, if he be come.

8He is wise, sir; he knew your worship would kill

9him, if he came.

10By gar, de herring is no dead so as I vill kill him.

11Take your rapier, Jack; I vill tell you how I vill kill him.

12Alas, sir, I cannot fence.

13Villany, take your rapier.

14Forbear; here's company.

15Bless thee, bully doctor!

16Save you, Master Doctor Caius!

17Now, good master doctor!

18Give you good morrow, sir.

19Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for?

20To see thee fight, to see thee foin, to see thee

21traverse; to see thee here, to see thee there; to

22see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy

23distance, thy montant. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? is

24he dead, my Francisco? ha, bully! What says my

25AEsculapius? my Galen? my heart of elder? ha! is

26he dead, bully stale? is he dead?

27By gar, he is de coward Jack priest of de vorld; he

28is not show his face.

29Thou art a Castalion-King-Urinal. Hector of Greece, my boy!

30I pray you, bear vitness that me have stay six or

31seven, two, tree hours for him, and he is no come.

32He is the wiser man, master doctor: he is a curer of

33souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you should

34fight, you go against the hair of your professions.

35Is it not true, Master Page?

36Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great

37fighter, though now a man of peace.

38Bodykins, Master Page, though I now be old and of

39the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches to

40make one. Though we are justices and doctors and

41churchmen, Master Page, we have some salt of our

42youth in us; we are the sons of women, Master Page.

43'Tis true, Master Shallow.

44It will be found so, Master Page. Master Doctor

45Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am sworn of

46the peace: you have showed yourself a wise

47physician, and Sir Hugh hath shown himself a wise

48and patient churchman. You must go with me, master doctor.

49Pardon, guest-justice. A word, Mounseur Mockwater.

50Mock-vater! vat is dat?

51Mock-water, in our English tongue, is valour, bully.

52By gar, den, I have as mush mock-vater as de

53Englishman. Scurvy jack-dog priest! by gar, me

54vill cut his ears.

55He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully.

56Clapper-de-claw! vat is dat?

57That is, he will make thee amends.

58By gar, me do look he shall clapper-de-claw me;

59for, by gar, me vill have it.

60And I will provoke him to't, or let him wag.

61Me tank you for dat.

62And, moreover, bully,--but first, master guest, and

63Master Page, and eke Cavaleiro Slender, go you

64through the town to Frogmore.

65Sir Hugh is there, is he?

66He is there: see what humour he is in; and I will

67bring the doctor about by the fields. Will it do well?

68We will do it.

69Adieu, good master doctor.

70By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak for a

71jack-an-ape to Anne Page.

72Let him die: sheathe thy impatience, throw cold

73water on thy choler: go about the fields with me

74through Frogmore: I will bring thee where Mistress

75Anne Page is, at a farm-house a-feasting; and thou

76shalt woo her. Cried I aim? said I well?

77By gar, me dank you for dat: by gar, I love you;

78and I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl,

79de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients.

80For the which I will be thy adversary toward Anne

81Page. Said I well?

82By gar, 'tis good; vell said.

83Let us wag, then.

84Come at my heels, Jack Rugby.

1I pray you now, good master Slender's serving-man,

2and friend Simple by your name, which way have you

3looked for Master Caius, that calls himself doctor of physic?

4Marry, sir, the pittie-ward, the park-ward, every

5way; old Windsor way, and every way but the town

6way.

7I most fehemently desire you you will also look that

8way.

9I will, sir.

10'Pless my soul, how full of chollors I am, and

11trempling of mind! I shall be glad if he have

12deceived me. How melancholies I am! I will knog

13his urinals about his knave's costard when I have

14good opportunities for the ork. 'Pless my soul!

15To shallow rivers, to whose falls

16Melodious birds sings madrigals;

17There will we make our peds of roses,

18And a thousand fragrant posies.

19To shallow--

20Mercy on me! I have a great dispositions to cry.

21Melodious birds sing madrigals--

22When as I sat in Pabylon--

23And a thousand vagram posies.

24To shallow & c.

25Yonder he is coming, this way, Sir Hugh.

26He's welcome.

27To shallow rivers, to whose falls-

28Heaven prosper the right! What weapons is he?

29No weapons, sir. There comes my master, Master

30Shallow, and another gentleman, from Frogmore, over

31the stile, this way.

32Pray you, give me my gown; or else keep it in your arms.

33How now, master Parson! Good morrow, good Sir Hugh.

34Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good student

35from his book, and it is wonderful.

36[Aside] Ah, sweet Anne Page!

37'Save you, good Sir Hugh!

38'Pless you from his mercy sake, all of you!

39What, the sword and the word! do you study them

40both, master parson?

41And youthful still! in your doublet and hose this

42raw rheumatic day!

43There is reasons and causes for it.

44We are come to you to do a good office, master parson.

45Fery well: what is it?

46Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who, belike

47having received wrong by some person, is at most

48odds with his own gravity and patience that ever you

49saw.

50I have lived fourscore years and upward; I never

51heard a man of his place, gravity and learning, so

52wide of his own respect.

53What is he?

54I think you know him; Master Doctor Caius, the

55renowned French physician.

56Got's will, and his passion of my heart! I had as

57lief you would tell me of a mess of porridge.

58Why?

59He has no more knowledge in Hibocrates and Galen,

60--and he is a knave besides; a cowardly knave as you

61would desires to be acquainted withal.

62I warrant you, he's the man should fight with him.

63[Aside] O sweet Anne Page!

64It appears so by his weapons. Keep them asunder:

65here comes Doctor Caius.

66Nay, good master parson, keep in your weapon.

67So do you, good master doctor.

68Disarm them, and let them question: let them keep

69their limbs whole and hack our English.

70I pray you, let-a me speak a word with your ear.

71Vherefore vill you not meet-a me?

72[Aside to DOCTOR CAIUS] Pray you, use your patience:

73in good time.

74By gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog, John ape.

75[Aside to DOCTOR CAIUS] Pray you let us not be

76laughing-stocks to other men's humours; I desire you

77in friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends.

78I will knog your urinals about your knave's cockscomb

79for missing your meetings and appointments.

80Diable! Jack Rugby,--mine host de Jarteer,--have I

81not stay for him to kill him? have I not, at de place

82I did appoint?

83As I am a Christians soul now, look you, this is the

84place appointed: I'll be judgement by mine host of

85the Garter.

86Peace, I say, Gallia and Gaul, French and Welsh,

87soul-curer and body-curer!

88Ay, dat is very good; excellent.

89Peace, I say! hear mine host of the Garter. Am I

90politic? am I subtle? am I a Machiavel? Shall I

91lose my doctor? no; he gives me the potions and the

92motions. Shall I lose my parson, my priest, my Sir

93Hugh? no; he gives me the proverbs and the

94no-verbs. Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so. Give me

95thy hand, celestial; so. Boys of art, I have

96deceived you both; I have directed you to wrong

97places: your hearts are mighty, your skins are

98whole, and let burnt sack be the issue. Come, lay

99their swords to pawn. Follow me, lads of peace;

100follow, follow, follow.

101Trust me, a mad host. Follow, gentlemen, follow.

102[Aside] O sweet Anne Page!

103Ha, do I perceive dat? have you make-a de sot of

104us, ha, ha?

105This is well; he has made us his vlouting-stog. I

106desire you that we may be friends; and let us knog

107our prains together to be revenge on this same

108scall, scurvy cogging companion, the host of the Garter.

109By gar, with all my heart. He promise to bring me

110where is Anne Page; by gar, he deceive me too.

111Well, I will smite his noddles. Pray you, follow.

1Nay, keep your way, little gallant; you were wont to

2be a follower, but now you are a leader. Whether

3had you rather lead mine eyes, or eye your master's heels?

4I had rather, forsooth, go before you like a man

5than follow him like a dwarf.

6O, you are a flattering boy: now I see you'll be a courtier.

7Well met, Mistress Page. Whither go you?

8Truly, sir, to see your wife. Is she at home?

9Ay; and as idle as she may hang together, for want

10of company. I think, if your husbands were dead,

11you two would marry.

12Be sure of that,--two other husbands.

13Where had you this pretty weather-cock?

14I cannot tell what the dickens his name is my

15husband had him of. What do you call your knight's

16name, sirrah?

17Sir John Falstaff.

18Sir John Falstaff!

19He, he; I can never hit on's name. There is such a

20league between my good man and he! Is your wife at

21home indeed?

22Indeed she is.

23By your leave, sir: I am sick till I see her.

24Has Page any brains? hath he any eyes? hath he any

25thinking? Sure, they sleep; he hath no use of them.

26Why, this boy will carry a letter twenty mile, as

27easy as a cannon will shoot point-blank twelve

28score. He pieces out his wife's inclination; he

29gives her folly motion and advantage: and now she's

30going to my wife, and Falstaff's boy with her. A

31man may hear this shower sing in the wind. And

32Falstaff's boy with her! Good plots, they are laid;

33and our revolted wives share damnation together.

34Well; I will take him, then torture my wife, pluck

35the borrowed veil of modesty from the so seeming

36Mistress Page, divulge Page himself for a secure and

37wilful Actaeon; and to these violent proceedings all

38my neighbours shall cry aim.

39The clock gives me my cue, and my assurance bids me

40search: there I shall find Falstaff: I shall be

41rather praised for this than mocked; for it is as

42positive as the earth is firm that Falstaff is

43there: I will go.

44Well met, Master Ford.

45Trust me, a good knot: I have good cheer at home;

46and I pray you all go with me.

47I must excuse myself, Master Ford.

48And so must I, sir: we have appointed to dine with

49Mistress Anne, and I would not break with her for

50more money than I'll speak of.

51We have lingered about a match between Anne Page and

52my cousin Slender, and this day we shall have our answer.

53I hope I have your good will, father Page.

54You have, Master Slender; I stand wholly for you:

55but my wife, master doctor, is for you altogether.

56Ay, be-gar; and de maid is love-a me: my nursh-a

57Quickly tell me so mush.

58What say you to young Master Fenton? he capers, he

59dances, he has eyes of youth, he writes verses, he

60speaks holiday, he smells April and May: he will

61carry't, he will carry't; 'tis in his buttons; he

62will carry't.

63Not by my consent, I promise you. The gentleman is

64of no having: he kept company with the wild prince

65and Poins; he is of too high a region; he knows too

66much. No, he shall not knit a knot in his fortunes

67with the finger of my substance: if he take her,

68let him take her simply; the wealth I have waits on

69my consent, and my consent goes not that way.

70I beseech you heartily, some of you go home with me

71to dinner: besides your cheer, you shall have

72sport; I will show you a monster. Master doctor,

73you shall go; so shall you, Master Page; and you, Sir Hugh.

74Well, fare you well: we shall have the freer wooing

75at Master Page's.

76Go home, John Rugby; I come anon.

77Farewell, my hearts: I will to my honest knight

78Falstaff, and drink canary with him.

79[Aside] I think I shall drink in pipe wine first

80with him; I'll make him dance. Will you go, gentles?

81Have with you to see this monster.

1What, John! What, Robert!

2Quickly, quickly! is the buck-basket--

3I warrant. What, Robin, I say!

4Come, come, come.

5Here, set it down.

6Give your men the charge; we must be brief.

7Marry, as I told you before, John and Robert, be

8ready here hard by in the brew-house: and when I

9suddenly call you, come forth, and without any pause

10or staggering take this basket on your shoulders:

11that done, trudge with it in all haste, and carry

12it among the whitsters in Datchet-mead, and there

13empty it in the muddy ditch close by the Thames side.

14You will do it?

15I ha' told them over and over; they lack no

16direction. Be gone, and come when you are called.

17Here comes little Robin.

18How now, my eyas-musket! what news with you?

19My master, Sir John, is come in at your back-door,

20Mistress Ford, and requests your company.

21You little Jack-a-Lent, have you been true to us?

22Ay, I'll be sworn. My master knows not of your

23being here and hath threatened to put me into

24everlasting liberty if I tell you of it; for he

25swears he'll turn me away.

26Thou'rt a good boy: this secrecy of thine shall be

27a tailor to thee and shall make thee a new doublet

28and hose. I'll go hide me.

29Do so. Go tell thy master I am alone.

30Mistress Page, remember you your cue.

31I warrant thee; if I do not act it, hiss me.

32Go to, then: we'll use this unwholesome humidity,

33this gross watery pumpion; we'll teach him to know

34turtles from jays.

35Have I caught thee, my heavenly jewel? Why, now let

36me die, for I have lived long enough: this is the

37period of my ambition: O this blessed hour!

38O sweet Sir John!

39Mistress Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate,

40Mistress Ford. Now shall I sin in my wish: I would

41thy husband were dead: I'll speak it before the

42best lord; I would make thee my lady.

43I your lady, Sir John! alas, I should be a pitiful lady!

44Let the court of France show me such another. I see

45how thine eye would emulate the diamond: thou hast

46the right arched beauty of the brow that becomes the

47ship-tire, the tire-valiant, or any tire of

48Venetian admittance.

49A plain kerchief, Sir John: my brows become nothing

50else; nor that well neither.

51By the Lord, thou art a traitor to say so: thou

52wouldst make an absolute courtier; and the firm

53fixture of thy foot would give an excellent motion

54to thy gait in a semi-circled farthingale. I see

55what thou wert, if Fortune thy foe were not, Nature

56thy friend. Come, thou canst not hide it.

57Believe me, there is no such thing in me.

58What made me love thee? let that persuade thee

59there's something extraordinary in thee. Come, I

60cannot cog and say thou art this and that, like a

61many of these lisping hawthorn-buds, that come like

62women in men's apparel, and smell like Bucklersbury

63in simple time; I cannot: but I love thee; none

64but thee; and thou deservest it.

65Do not betray me, sir. I fear you love Mistress Page.

66Thou mightst as well say I love to walk by the

67Counter-gate, which is as hateful to me as the reek

68of a lime-kiln.

69Well, heaven knows how I love you; and you shall one

70day find it.

71Keep in that mind; I'll deserve it.

72Nay, I must tell you, so you do; or else I could not

73be in that mind.

74[Within] Mistress Ford, Mistress Ford! here's

75Mistress Page at the door, sweating and blowing and

76looking wildly, and would needs speak with you presently.

77She shall not see me: I will ensconce me behind the arras.

78Pray you, do so: she's a very tattling woman.

79What's the matter? how now!

80O Mistress Ford, what have you done? You're shamed,

81you're overthrown, you're undone for ever!

82What's the matter, good Mistress Page?

83O well-a-day, Mistress Ford! having an honest man

84to your husband, to give him such cause of suspicion!

85What cause of suspicion?

86What cause of suspicion! Out pon you! how am I

87mistook in you!

88Why, alas, what's the matter?

89Your husband's coming hither, woman, with all the

90officers in Windsor, to search for a gentleman that

91he says is here now in the house by your consent, to

92take an ill advantage of his assence: you are undone.

93'Tis not so, I hope.

94Pray heaven it be not so, that you have such a man

95here! but 'tis most certain your husband's coming,

96with half Windsor at his heels, to search for such a

97one. I come before to tell you. If you know

98yourself clear, why, I am glad of it; but if you

99have a friend here convey, convey him out. Be not

100amazed; call all your senses to you; defend your

101reputation, or bid farewell to your good life for ever.

102What shall I do? There is a gentleman my dear

103friend; and I fear not mine own shame so much as his

104peril: I had rather than a thousand pound he were

105out of the house.

106For shame! never stand 'you had rather' and 'you

107had rather:' your husband's here at hand, bethink

108you of some conveyance: in the house you cannot

109hide him. O, how have you deceived me! Look, here

110is a basket: if he be of any reasonable stature, he

111may creep in here; and throw foul linen upon him, as

112if it were going to bucking: or--it is whiting-time

113--send him by your two men to Datchet-mead.

114He's too big to go in there. What shall I do?

115[Coming forward] Let me see't, let me see't, O, let

116me see't! I'll in, I'll in. Follow your friend's

117counsel. I'll in.

118What, Sir John Falstaff! Are these your letters, knight?

119I love thee. Help me away. Let me creep in here.

120I'll never--

121Help to cover your master, boy. Call your men,

122Mistress Ford. You dissembling knight!

123What, John! Robert! John!

124Go take up these clothes here quickly. Where's the

125cowl-staff? look, how you drumble! Carry them to

126the laundress in Datchet-meat; quickly, come.

127Pray you, come near: if I suspect without cause,

128why then make sport at me; then let me be your jest;

129I deserve it. How now! whither bear you this?

130To the laundress, forsooth.

131Why, what have you to do whither they bear it? You

132were best meddle with buck-washing.

133Buck! I would I could wash myself of the buck!

134Buck, buck, buck! Ay, buck; I warrant you, buck;

135and of the season too, it shall appear.

136Gentlemen, I have dreamed to-night; I'll tell you my

137dream. Here, here, here be my keys: ascend my

138chambers; search, seek, find out: I'll warrant

139we'll unkennel the fox. Let me stop this way first.

140So, now uncape.

141Good Master Ford, be contented: you wrong yourself too much.

142True, Master Page. Up, gentlemen: you shall see

143sport anon: follow me, gentlemen.

144This is fery fantastical humours and jealousies.

145By gar, 'tis no the fashion of France; it is not

146jealous in France.

147Nay, follow him, gentlemen; see the issue of his search.

148Is there not a double excellency in this?

149I know not which pleases me better, that my husband

150is deceived, or Sir John.

151What a taking was he in when your husband asked who

152was in the basket!

153I am half afraid he will have need of washing; so

154throwing him into the water will do him a benefit.

155Hang him, dishonest rascal! I would all of the same

156strain were in the same distress.

157I think my husband hath some special suspicion of

158Falstaff's being here; for I never saw him so gross

159in his jealousy till now.

160I will lay a plot to try that; and we will yet have

161more tricks with Falstaff: his dissolute disease will

162scarce obey this medicine.

163Shall we send that foolish carrion, Mistress

164Quickly, to him, and excuse his throwing into the

165water; and give him another hope, to betray him to

166another punishment?

167We will do it: let him be sent for to-morrow,

168eight o'clock, to have amends.

169I cannot find him: may be the knave bragged of that

170he could not compass.

171[Aside to MISTRESS FORD] Heard you that?

172You use me well, Master Ford, do you?

173Ay, I do so.

174Heaven make you better than your thoughts!

175Amen!

176You do yourself mighty wrong, Master Ford.

177Ay, ay; I must bear it.

178If there be any pody in the house, and in the

179chambers, and in the coffers, and in the presses,

180heaven forgive my sins at the day of judgment!

181By gar, nor I too: there is no bodies.

182Fie, fie, Master Ford! are you not ashamed? What

183spirit, what devil suggests this imagination? I

184would not ha' your distemper in this kind for the

185wealth of Windsor Castle.

186'Tis my fault, Master Page: I suffer for it.

187You suffer for a pad conscience: your wife is as

188honest a 'omans as I will desires among five

189thousand, and five hundred too.

190By gar, I see 'tis an honest woman.

191Well, I promised you a dinner. Come, come, walk in

192the Park: I pray you, pardon me; I will hereafter

193make known to you why I have done this. Come,

194wife; come, Mistress Page. I pray you, pardon me;

195pray heartily, pardon me.

196Let's go in, gentlemen; but, trust me, we'll mock

197him. I do invite you to-morrow morning to my house

198to breakfast: after, we'll a-birding together; I

199have a fine hawk for the bush. Shall it be so?

200Any thing.

201If there is one, I shall make two in the company.

202If dere be one or two, I shall make-a the turd.

203Pray you, go, Master Page.

204I pray you now, remembrance tomorrow on the lousy

205knave, mine host.

206Dat is good; by gar, with all my heart!

207A lousy knave, to have his gibes and his mockeries!

1I see I cannot get thy father's love;

2Therefore no more turn me to him, sweet Nan.

3Alas, how then?

4Why, thou must be thyself.

5He doth object I am too great of birth--,

6And that, my state being gall'd with my expense,

7I seek to heal it only by his wealth:

8Besides these, other bars he lays before me,

9My riots past, my wild societies;

10And tells me 'tis a thing impossible

11I should love thee but as a property.

12May be he tells you true.

13No, heaven so speed me in my time to come!

14Albeit I will confess thy father's wealth

15Was the first motive that I woo'd thee, Anne:

16Yet, wooing thee, I found thee of more value

17Than stamps in gold or sums in sealed bags;

18And 'tis the very riches of thyself

19That now I aim at.

20Gentle Master Fenton,

21Yet seek my father's love; still seek it, sir:

22If opportunity and humblest suit

23Cannot attain it, why, then,--hark you hither!

24Break their talk, Mistress Quickly: my kinsman shall

25speak for himself.

26I'll make a shaft or a bolt on't: 'slid, 'tis but

27venturing.

28Be not dismayed.

29No, she shall not dismay me: I care not for that,

30but that I am afeard.

31Hark ye; Master Slender would speak a word with you.

32I come to him.

33This is my father's choice.

34O, what a world of vile ill-favor'd faults

35Looks handsome in three hundred pounds a-year!

36And how does good Master Fenton? Pray you, a word with you.

37She's coming; to her, coz. O boy, thou hadst a father!

38I had a father, Mistress Anne; my uncle can tell you

39good jests of him. Pray you, uncle, tell Mistress

40Anne the jest, how my father stole two geese out of

41a pen, good uncle.

42Mistress Anne, my cousin loves you.

43Ay, that I do; as well as I love any woman in

44Gloucestershire.

45He will maintain you like a gentlewoman.

46Ay, that I will, come cut and long-tail, under the

47degree of a squire.

48He will make you a hundred and fifty pounds jointure.

49Good Master Shallow, let him woo for himself.

50Marry, I thank you for it; I thank you for that good

51comfort. She calls you, coz: I'll leave you.

52Now, Master Slender,--

53Now, good Mistress Anne,--

54What is your will?

55My will! 'od's heartlings, that's a pretty jest

56indeed! I ne'er made my will yet, I thank heaven; I

57am not such a sickly creature, I give heaven praise.

58I mean, Master Slender, what would you with me?

59Truly, for mine own part, I would little or nothing

60with you. Your father and my uncle hath made

61motions: if it be my luck, so; if not, happy man be

62his dole! They can tell you how things go better

63than I can: you may ask your father; here he comes.

64Now, Master Slender: love him, daughter Anne.

65Why, how now! what does Master Fenton here?

66You wrong me, sir, thus still to haunt my house:

67I told you, sir, my daughter is disposed of.

68Nay, Master Page, be not impatient.

69Good Master Fenton, come not to my child.

70She is no match for you.

71Sir, will you hear me?

72No, good Master Fenton.

73Come, Master Shallow; come, son Slender, in.

74Knowing my mind, you wrong me, Master Fenton.

75Speak to Mistress Page.

76Good Mistress Page, for that I love your daughter

77In such a righteous fashion as I do,

78Perforce, against all cheques, rebukes and manners,

79I must advance the colours of my love

80And not retire: let me have your good will.

81Good mother, do not marry me to yond fool.

82I mean it not; I seek you a better husband.

83That's my master, master doctor.

84Alas, I had rather be set quick i' the earth

85And bowl'd to death with turnips!

86Come, trouble not yourself. Good Master Fenton,

87I will not be your friend nor enemy:

88My daughter will I question how she loves you,

89And as I find her, so am I affected.

90Till then farewell, sir: she must needs go in;

91Her father will be angry.

92Farewell, gentle mistress: farewell, Nan.

93This is my doing, now: 'Nay,' said I, 'will you cast

94away your child on a fool, and a physician? Look on

95Master Fenton:' this is my doing.

96I thank thee; and I pray thee, once to-night

97Give my sweet Nan this ring: there's for thy pains.

98Now heaven send thee good fortune!

99A kind heart he hath: a woman would run through

100fire and water for such a kind heart. But yet I

101would my master had Mistress Anne; or I would

102Master Slender had her; or, in sooth, I would Master

103Fenton had her; I will do what I can for them all

104three; for so I have promised, and I'll be as good

105as my word; but speciously for Master Fenton. Well,

106I must of another errand to Sir John Falstaff from

107my two mistresses: what a beast am I to slack it!

1Bardolph, I say,--

2Here, sir.

3Go fetch me a quart of sack; put a toast in't.

4Have I lived to be carried in a basket, like a

5barrow of butcher's offal, and to be thrown in the

6Thames? Well, if I be served such another trick,

7I'll have my brains ta'en out and buttered, and give

8them to a dog for a new-year's gift. The rogues

9slighted me into the river with as little remorse as

10they would have drowned a blind bitch's puppies,

11fifteen i' the litter: and you may know by my size

12that I have a kind of alacrity in sinking; if the

13bottom were as deep as hell, I should down. I had

14been drowned, but that the shore was shelvy and

15shallow,--a death that I abhor; for the water swells

16a man; and what a thing should I have been when I

17had been swelled! I should have been a mountain of mummy.

18Here's Mistress Quickly, sir, to speak with you.

19Let me pour in some sack to the Thames water; for my

20belly's as cold as if I had swallowed snowballs for

21pills to cool the reins. Call her in.

22Come in, woman!

23By your leave; I cry you mercy: give your worship

24good morrow.

25Take away these chalices. Go brew me a pottle of

26sack finely.

27With eggs, sir?

28Simple of itself; I'll no pullet-sperm in my brewage.

29How now!

30Marry, sir, I come to your worship from Mistress Ford.

31Mistress Ford! I have had ford enough; I was thrown

32into the ford; I have my belly full of ford.

33Alas the day! good heart, that was not her fault:

34she does so take on with her men; they mistook their erection.

35So did I mine, to build upon a foolish woman's promise.

36Well, she laments, sir, for it, that it would yearn

37your heart to see it. Her husband goes this morning

38a-birding; she desires you once more to come to her

39between eight and nine: I must carry her word

40quickly: she'll make you amends, I warrant you.

41Well, I will visit her: tell her so; and bid her

42think what a man is: let her consider his frailty,

43and then judge of my merit.

44I will tell her.

45Do so. Between nine and ten, sayest thou?

46Eight and nine, sir.

47Well, be gone: I will not miss her.

48Peace be with you, sir.

49I marvel I hear not of Master Brook; he sent me word

50to stay within: I like his money well. O, here he comes.

51Bless you, sir!

52Now, master Brook, you come to know what hath passed

53between me and Ford's wife?

54That, indeed, Sir John, is my business.

55Master Brook, I will not lie to you: I was at her

56house the hour she appointed me.

57And sped you, sir?

58Very ill-favoredly, Master Brook.

59How so, sir? Did she change her determination?

60No, Master Brook; but the peaking Cornuto her

61husband, Master Brook, dwelling in a continual

62'larum of jealousy, comes me in the instant of our

63encounter, after we had embraced, kissed, protested,

64and, as it were, spoke the prologue of our comedy;

65and at his heels a rabble of his companions, thither

66provoked and instigated by his distemper, and,

67forsooth, to search his house for his wife's love.

68What, while you were there?

69While I was there.

70And did he search for you, and could not find you?

71You shall hear. As good luck would have it, comes

72in one Mistress Page; gives intelligence of Ford's

73approach; and, in her invention and Ford's wife's

74distraction, they conveyed me into a buck-basket.

75A buck-basket!

76By the Lord, a buck-basket! rammed me in with foul

77shirts and smocks, socks, foul stockings, greasy

78napkins; that, Master Brook, there was the rankest

79compound of villanous smell that ever offended nostril.

80And how long lay you there?

81Nay, you shall hear, Master Brook, what I have

82suffered to bring this woman to evil for your good.

83Being thus crammed in the basket, a couple of Ford's

84knaves, his hinds, were called forth by their

85mistress to carry me in the name of foul clothes to

86Datchet-lane: they took me on their shoulders; met

87the jealous knave their master in the door, who

88asked them once or twice what they had in their

89basket: I quaked for fear, lest the lunatic knave

90would have searched it; but fate, ordaining he

91should be a cuckold, held his hand. Well: on went he

92for a search, and away went I for foul clothes. But

93mark the sequel, Master Brook: I suffered the pangs

94of three several deaths; first, an intolerable

95fright, to be detected with a jealous rotten

96bell-wether; next, to be compassed, like a good

97bilbo, in the circumference of a peck, hilt to

98point, heel to head; and then, to be stopped in,

99like a strong distillation, with stinking clothes

100that fretted in their own grease: think of that,--a

101man of my kidney,--think of that,--that am as subject

102to heat as butter; a man of continual dissolution

103and thaw: it was a miracle to scape suffocation.

104And in the height of this bath, when I was more than

105half stewed in grease, like a Dutch dish, to be

106thrown into the Thames, and cooled, glowing hot,

107in that surge, like a horse-shoe; think of

108that,--hissing hot,--think of that, Master Brook.

109In good sadness, I am sorry that for my sake you

110have sufferd all this. My suit then is desperate;

111you'll undertake her no more?

112Master Brook, I will be thrown into Etna, as I have

113been into Thames, ere I will leave her thus. Her

114husband is this morning gone a-birding: I have

115received from her another embassy of meeting; 'twixt

116eight and nine is the hour, Master Brook.

117'Tis past eight already, sir.

118Is it? I will then address me to my appointment.

119Come to me at your convenient leisure, and you shall

120know how I speed; and the conclusion shall be

121crowned with your enjoying her. Adieu. You shall

122have her, Master Brook; Master Brook, you shall

123cuckold Ford.

124Hum! ha! is this a vision? is this a dream? do I

125sleep? Master Ford awake! awake, Master Ford!

126there's a hole made in your best coat, Master Ford.

127This 'tis to be married! this 'tis to have linen

128and buck-baskets! Well, I will proclaim myself

129what I am: I will now take the lecher; he is at my

130house; he cannot 'scape me; 'tis impossible he

131should; he cannot creep into a halfpenny purse,

132nor into a pepper-box: but, lest the devil that

133guides him should aid him, I will search

134impossible places. Though what I am I cannot avoid,

135yet to be what I would not shall not make me tame:

136if I have horns to make one mad, let the proverb go

137with me: I'll be horn-mad.

1Is he at Master Ford's already, think'st thou?

2Sure he is by this, or will be presently: but,

3truly, he is very courageous mad about his throwing

4into the water. Mistress Ford desires you to come suddenly.

5I'll be with her by and by; I'll but bring my young

6man here to school. Look, where his master comes;

7'tis a playing-day, I see.

8How now, Sir Hugh! no school to-day?

9No; Master Slender is let the boys leave to play.

10Blessing of his heart!

11Sir Hugh, my husband says my son profits nothing in

12the world at his book. I pray you, ask him some

13questions in his accidence.

14Come hither, William; hold up your head; come.

15Come on, sirrah; hold up your head; answer your

16master, be not afraid.

17William, how many numbers is in nouns?

18Two.

19Truly, I thought there had been one number more,

20because they say, ''Od's nouns.'

21Peace your tattlings! What is 'fair,' William?

22Pulcher.

23Polecats! there are fairer things than polecats, sure.

24You are a very simplicity 'oman: I pray you peace.

25What is 'lapis,' William?

26A stone.

27And what is 'a stone,' William?

28A pebble.

29No, it is 'lapis:' I pray you, remember in your prain.

30Lapis.

31That is a good William. What is he, William, that

32does lend articles?

33Articles are borrowed of the pronoun, and be thus

34declined, Singulariter, nominativo, hic, haec, hoc.

35Nominativo, hig, hag, hog; pray you, mark:

36genitivo, hujus. Well, what is your accusative case?

37Accusativo, hinc.

38I pray you, have your remembrance, child,

39accusative, hung, hang, hog.

40'Hang-hog' is Latin for bacon, I warrant you.

41Leave your prabbles, 'oman. What is the focative

42case, William?

43O,--vocativo, O.

44Remember, William; focative is caret.

45And that's a good root.

46'Oman, forbear.

47Peace!

48What is your genitive case plural, William?

49Genitive case!

50Ay.